Long Overdue Update

In case anyone is wondering what happened to me. I've been kind of busy the last year or two dealing with some difficulties my daughter was going through and then working two jobs and just trying to make ends meet.

It's been really tough but things are good. It's been difficult and stressful at times and having to work two jobs is very stressful in and of itself but all in all we are doing well and some really wonderful things have happened in between. So I will not complain.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm well if anyone still even ever visits here. I'm hoping that eventually I'll find a job that will give me enough of an income that I'll only have to work one job. I had hoped that moving up in the company that I work for would be the answer but unfortunately they don't pay well enough. I'm now on salary and still not making anything close to enough. Which is a shame because I really like the company. Well, when I finally do find something that can afford me to only work one job then hopefully I can get back down to the business of writing because it is my great love. I miss this. It's what God intended for me to do and somehow I need to get back to it. I am working my way across these bridges and working toward a better life. Sometimes that is all you can do.

How Do We Measure Love?

It is often asked: How do we measure love? It’s simple really. We measure love by action and or lack of action. Love is an action word and no matter how much someone tells you they love you if their actions don’t live up to what they are telling you then you shouldn’t believe them for a minute! Love is more than a feeling. That feeling leads us to action just as that lack of feeling will lead us on non-action.

Too often we forget that love is an action word. We get all caught up in our need and desire for it that we look for it in the strangest places. It is such a basic human need that we will often go to great lengths to acquire it.

Many of us have no clue as to how to go about measuring love to determine if someone really loves us or not. The great news or possibly not so great depending on how you look at it is that there is a way to measure love. Measure the action and inaction, taking place in the relationship. Measure the giving and the taking. Measure what they are doing for you and because of you. It is there you can measure it and you can determine the value of your relationship through that measurement.

Sometimes it’s difficult to face the cold hard facts of reality. I think that is the most painful side of love. To learn and admit to yourself that the love is not there can be excruciating. However, the only way to find real love is to let go of faulty love.

We must be honest with ourselves if we are to move forward in our lives. If we want happiness we must find the courage to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes this little task is the most difficult task of all…

Fences for the Soul

We all have our own unique tolerance level for what treatment we will accept from other people. Some people will put up with quite a bit. Others don't even give people a chance. The interesting thing is that life will give you lessons and try to regulate this for you. However, as we all know these lessons will only work with your cooperation.

If you set up boundaries before a problem ever arises and stick to them you will find it much easier and less painful. However, if you are one of those people who lets people walk all over you until you just can't take it another second then you need to start thinking about what your boundaries should be and start enforcing them.

Not enforcing ones boundaries properly comes from a deep need to be loved and accepted. So it's crucial that you start loving yourself today! And you can take the first step by identifying the boundaries you need to set and by taking the necessary steps to enforce them. You will not only be helping yourself avoid necessary pain but you will be taking the first steps toward self love. We can't change the world if we are sitting around suffering! We have to safeguard our souls! This is like a protective fence for your soul. You keep the bad out but let the good in simply by identifying and enforcing your boundaries.

Crossroads

Over and over again you will find yourself at a crossroad in life. This is a time where you have to make a decision perhaps an easy one and perhaps not. It's often at these times we make the wrong decision out of fear. There can be other factors involved too but more often than not it's fear or anxiety.

A good rule of thumb is to travel down each turn in your mind and determine are you running down that road away from something or are you running toward something you really want? Decisions based on fear almost always leave you with nothing to gain. To gain in life we must risk. All of life is about risk and gain. We plant seeds risking to lose it all in order to gain a crop. We work all week risking to give away our hard work on the promise of a paycheck. We get preganant and carry a child within us for nine months in the hopes of having a healthy child. It's a risk but life is all about risks.Even eating a meal holds risks. The food could make us sick, we could choke. In fact, I can't think of one single thing in life that doesn't hold a risk or a gain.

So next time you find yourself at a crossroads perhaps you will realize its all about risk not safety. Those who play it safe lose the largest in our world. To make any kind of a difference in this world you have to be willing to take the risks. Are you?

Fail Your Way to the Top

To continue on from my last post that will soon bring us to an even more important point I will tell you of the rest of my bicycle struggle. As you may recall I had purchased a tool to fix my bike and it didn't work. So I set out to go wrench shopping. I decided to pick up a little socket wrench kit as it's been my experience that they work best. Besides every man I know has a socket wrench set and so they must be good because if there is one thing men know its tools! Kind of like women know shoes. :-)

Well that turned out to be a great plan! I got the tire off with relative ease. Struggled a bit getting the actual tire off of the rim but I managed. Then I tried to pump up the tire. It wouldn't pump. Darn! What was wrong?!! Then it dawned on me. My new bicycle pump did not work! That was why the first tube wouldn't hold any air! It was never ruined to begin with! Grrr! So I threw the tire in the trunk took it down to our local Stewarts Shoppe and pumped it up. That worked! I went home and put the new tire on the bike frame. That was a bit of a struggle but I finally got it! Yay!

I still haven't had a chance to ride it yet because it has been raining. But soon.

Now all of this brings me to a very important point. In my struggle to get my bike fixed I didn't give up even though I seemed to encounter one problem after another. I knew eventually I would succeed. I was certain. I didn't stand around full of self doubt saying things like I wasn't meant to ride a bike. I'm not good enough to ride a bike. I don't know how to ride a bike. Etc. Yes I know that sounds really silly but ask yourself how many times you've said that to yourself about one thing or another. For me, if this had pertained to some article or story I had written and was activly trying to publish I would have been full of those thoughts. The lesson here is failure does not mean you can't do something or that you shouldn't do something or that you weren't meant to do something. Failure is merely a step toward success! That is my message to you all today!

Reassess your failures and recognize them for what they really are and stop labeling them as obstacles to where you want to go! Failure is a nothing more than a vital step in the direction you are aiming to go! So start stepping! The more you fail the more steps you take, the closer you really are to where you want to be! Even though it may not feel like it. Now, the choice, of course is always yours. See the failure as a step forward or simply wallow in the act of failing. Just remember one thing. If you aren't failing you are getting no wheres fast! The road to the top is built with steps made of failure.

How Bad Do You Want What's Best for You

Recently I've had a small struggle that has reminded me of something that I learned a long time ago and that is that doing the right thing or doing what's best for you is usually not easy. It always comes with struggles and obstacles. It's almost as if you have to want what's best for you, really really bad in order to get it. And as we all know sometimes we are just not willing to go the distance. Sometimes what we have to gain just doesn't seem worth what we have to give up or go through in order to obtain. Of course in the long run it probably would be worth it but we don't want to go through the trouble.

Recently I decided I would buy my daughter a bike and her and I would spend time bike riding. It would be good for our health and our relationship and it would certainly help with our stress levels as well. I couldn't wait to get started. I bought her bike. We couldn't ride it that day because her friend was over and we had no bike to offer her. The next several days it rained. Then we were painting and had no time. Then finally the day came and we carried our bikes outside and as soon as I started to drive out of the driveway I noticed my rear tire was flat. So I brought out the pump and pumped and pumped to no avail. Finally we gave up and went back inside.

It took several more days of obstacles before I finally got to the store to buy a new inner tube. I came home tried to get the rear tire off but I couldn't budge the nut with the tools I had. This morning I called the bike shop. It's my day off so I figured I'd bring it down there and let them do it. They were closed. So, I went to Walmart looking for a bike wrench. I found one, not a very good one mind you but I'd give it a whirl. I came home and tried again. The wrench didn't offer enough leverage. The nut wouldn't budge. Now I have to go wrench shopping. How bad do I want this? Well I haven't given up yet.

Lessons

If there is one thing I can say about life it is that it will never take it easy on you. It gives you lessons and its up to you to learn from them and grow stronger and better or be a wimp and cower away from what you know you should do.

My daughter and I still struggle. She is doing better. I learned something about myself this last month. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. There were moments this last month where I just wanted to give up but I knew that I couldn't and somewhere inside of me I had to reach in and gather my strength. It surprised me then just how much I managed to grasp! Where did it all come from? It came from love. Love for my daughter and my desire for her to be well.

And in all of this madness and pain my daughter and I grew closer and we gained something very valuable out of it all. I'm sure there are many things that my daughter gained from this whole experience too but it may be awhile before she can fully grasp that. And she will continue to grow and to gain as she works through this and so will I.
Life sometimes throws you painful horrible things. When that happens you only have two options. Work through or wimp out. If you wimp out. You can bet your lucky stars that you will get this lesson again. Possibly in a different format but mark my words you will get it. Why tempt fate. Just get it over with and move on because sure enough it's only a matter of time before your next lesson begins!

My Apologies

I must apologize to all who read here. I have not been a very attentive blogger. And for the time being I can't promise that things will get much better. I have been going through a lot these past few months between very hard financial times in spite of working my butt off and very rough times with my daughter. My attention has had to stay focused in those areas and the blog has stood neglected. I will still need to keep my focus elsewhere. Hence it will still be some time before I can really put the attention into this blog as I would like. For that I apologize. I will be back as soon as life allows but for the time being. I have to keep keeping on....

Merry Christmas-Lets Not Forget its Origin

There are those that insist that Santa doesn't exist. Yet don't we see proof of him everywhere? Santa, the spirit of Christmas is perhaps God's joy spread down upon us. Santa can be seen everywhere. He can come in the form of a jolly old elf as we all know or perhaps in Asian eyes or brown skin or blonde hair or pierced faces or pretty smiles or big strong hands or delicate girlish giggles. The thing with Santa is that he doesn't just dress in a red suit and he isn't always fat and he doesn't always deliver gifts on a sleigh driven by renideer. No sometimes he shows up in one of those economy sized cars or even a big ole truck. What's mroe Santa comes in every color imaginable and you never know when you might meet up with him or where.

Yes my friends Santa is alive and well and still spreading good cheer. You have only to look to your own living rooms for proof of this! Santa is a jolly old elf indeed sprinkled with magic dust, the dust of God's joy. Some say Christmas is too commercial. I say this is only because of the spirit of Christmas and our enthusiasm to spread God's joy. This is the spirit of Christmas that snows down upon us from heaven. Let us not forget then what it is all about! Santa lives within all of us Santa is a gift from God. Santa is what we have created to express that love that we feel! You see our jolly old elf is a euphemism for what we all feel at this time of year. We feel this because this is a time that we celebrate God's greatest gift and love for us and we all feel it and wish to reciprocate.
The giving is great it brings us all great joy and warm hearts! Now please take a moment today and remember clearly why we feel this and give thanks for all that you have.
Merry Christmas everyone may the spirit of Christmas surround you and warm your hearts on this glorious day!

That Old Christmas Spirit

So you want to change the world? Of course you do! Don't we all? The funny thing is that we often fail to notice that we actually have the power to change the world.

Now can we change the world drastically all by ourselves? No, probably not but what you do today will affect the world and change its course. What you do could make or break a life even if you don't realize it nor see it. What you do will reverberate out into the world and will effect the world.

So with that you must ask yourself at the end of the day. What did I put out into the world today? Was it good stuff? Or was it negative vibes?

Recognize the power you hold in your hands and understand that with power you need to exercise responsibility. You are responsible for what you place out there in the world. Now, the odds are that no one on this earth is going to come calling on you about what you do provided its not so bad that you get arrested or that someone retaliates against you. No the truth lies within your own heart. Only you really know what you are sending out into our world. Only you know if you are making a positive difference in our world. It's totally up to you. Be the change you want to see in the world and you will be a part of that change. Be anything less and you are harming our world. What's it going to be?

Christmas time there is a lot of positive reverberations in the air. Often times you hear things referred to as the Christmas spirit. That Christmas spirit is a very real thing! It is very probable that that Christmas spirit is manifested by all of the positive reverberations out there in the world. It feels great! Doesn't it?

Well that spirit doesn't have to merely exist at Christmas! You can carry that spirit with you all year round! All you need to do is send out far more positive reverberations then negative ones.

So this year I ask you to bring that Christmas spirit with you into the new year and carry it around with you in your hearts. You will be happier and you will help change our world to a more positive place! You've got nothing to lose!

What's Stopping You?

Yes it's true sometimes we can be so busy chasing our dream that we sabotage our dream without even meaning to. Sometimes we want it so much a certain way that we forget that we might have to opt to do other things that we don't dream of doing just to obtain the dream.

We can spend a whole lifetime not even grasping that concept or recognizing that we are doing that. If you have a dream that you just can't seem to accomplish. You need to look at what's stopping you. Are you afraid to do what you have to do to get it. Isn't doing that dirty work worth it if it brings you closer to your dream? Of course it is and in the end you know you'll agree! So put on your boots and walk through the muck. It's the only way to the other side!

The Magic of Thinking Big

You have probably heard about thinking big. It's great advice except for its wrong. Oh no its not wrong to think big, don't get me wrong. However, you can't just wake up and start thinking big and expect to get big. Like anything you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. Big is the goal at the end of succession of baby steps and medium steps that lead to big.

So many people get confused there. They are thinking big so why isn't it working? Simple you can't usually jump that high! You have to build steps to the top. To get to big you have to start small.

In our society today we want everything yesterday and we want bigger and better every time. We are a spoiled society and in this we often lose sight of the good old fashioned values of working your way to where you want to go. So even in our thinking we are trying to skip steps.

Just remember: Think big but take lots of little steps to get to big!

The Need to be Needed

My last post has turned out to be a lead in to this post. This mostly because it inspired me to think about a specific part of this quote. That quote touched on an element of our humanity that doesn't get talked about all that often. Our human need to be needed.

Our need to be needed is stronger than many of our needs and touches all of our relationships from our parents to our children to our partners to our bosses to our friends. We need to feel needed and useful and of some importance. It makes us feel good. We need to feel important and needed in all aspects of our lives. For if we are not needed what are we worth? Which is why abused children grow up feeling worthless.

See in most families parents need their children just as much as children need their parents only in different ways. Perhaps you haven't thought of it that way but the child brings so much to the parent and the parent needs for the child to do well and be well and to grow up and be well and do well.

Think for a moment about how the need to be needed touches all aspects of your life. Don't you feel good when you are performing a task that you feel is needed. For example doing something at work and feeling good about how you perform the task makes you feel needed, useful and of some importance. Taking care of your offspring or loved one makes you feel needed, useflul and of some importance. Tenderly caressing your lover makes you feel the same way. All of these things are integral to our happiness and self esteem. Hence the key to good self esteem is finding your place in all of your relationships and performing the necessary tasks that make you feel proficient, useful, needed and of some importance and hence good about who you are to that person, people or institution,

We are all most happy when we are needed because we feel good about who we are. Sometimes we think we'd rather not be needed we may push others away and avoid being needed so that we wont have to deal with the responsibility. However we are never more unhappy than when we have less responsibilities and are less needed.

As much as we like to be needed its much more fulfilling to us if we are needed in different capacities, our jobs, our lovers, our children, our friends our fellow hobbiests. Because to feel really good about ourselves and to experience much more contentment we must maintain balance.

Now it has to be a genuine need you can't go out and provide for others that don't need it or that should be providing these things for themselves. You must balance this otherwise it backfires and shoots down your self esteem. All that you do must come from good will and for the good of all involved otherwise you will know deep inside that you are not really needed and it will hurt your feelings of self esteem.

Somewhere inside of us all we know we must fulfill this need in ourselves. Some of us take shortcuts and try and make ourselves feel needed when we really aren't others try to push themselves on others again trying to force the act. Others still boast and lie and try to make themselves sound more important than they are. And then there are those who just give up and believe themselves to be worthless and give up the fight either hiding from society or lashing out. Sadly too there are those that achieve it too fast and too large. They don't believe they deserve it they are still stuck believe that that are not needed and suddenly feeling needed, wanted and important makes them sick to their stomach and they tear it all down. No it works much better if it can be slowly gained to give the person time to believe in themselves and to believe that they truly deserve it. Then of course there are those that have simply pursued that which would fulfill this need in a healthy way, probably not all in one shot as we all must learn on our journey. However basically they learned to form good relationships, they found jobs they enjoy doing and do them well, they did their best raising their children and the list could go on.

We all have the need to be needed, to feel useful to feel of some value. It truly makes the world go round. At worst we thirst for it like a thirsty man in the desert. We destroy ourselves or others for our lack of it or if given too suddenly we drown ourselves in it. At best it drives us to do what we should do so that we may sample that luscious dessert. I ask you how wonderful is it that in doing so we make this a better world for all.

I ran across this quote and thought it was beautiful and inspiring and so I wanted to share it with all of my blogging friends. I'm sure you'll all love it too!

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.
~Storm Jameson

My Baby

A very bad thing happened to my daughter this week. I'm not going to divulge any details because it's her business but it was a very traumatic experience both for her and for myself.

I'm working through it as is she. I feel like crying every moment of every day. I know this pain wont last forever but right now I'm in the dark tunnel working my way through toward the other side.

I'm sure at the end of all of this I'll have learned many lessons though at this moment they are not very clear. My heart is very heavy and in many ways I feel helpless.

As a parent I have spent many years protecting my daughter from all of the monsters of the world. It's so much easier to protect them when they are young and you can keep them within your sight. Once they grow older you are so limited at what you can do and in many ways you just have to hope for the best. It's painful and frustrating that I can't protect her. It breaks my heart that I can't shu away the monsters the way I could when she was little.

Yesterday as I drove I passed a funeral line and I was reminded then just how lucky I am. I still have my daughter. There are many who don't. I'm very very grateful that she is okay and no matter what I can't lose sight of that because that is a very very valuable gift.

Quick Update

Hey Folks,
Yes, I'm still alive and well and everything is going great! So sorry that I've made no posts lately but real life has just been consuming too much of my time. I hope to write a new post soon. Thanks to those who inquired as to my where-abouts you can rest assured I am fine just very very busy.

Hope all is going well for everyone! Miss you all lots!!!

Picking Yourself Up By the Bootstraps

Sometimes while on your chosen path you get stuck or you lose momentum, things fall apart, things change, things happen and the only thing you can do at that point in your path is pull your self up by the bootstraps and go forward. Sometimes you might feel so bad that you just want to sit there but then you find the longer you sit there the more it hurts or the more bad it makes you feel.

How do you gain the strength to go forward? What are the tricks you use to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and move forward? Sometimes pulling ourselves up means letting go of dreams or things or even people we love. How do you convince yourself to do what is right for YOU?

It would be interesting to hear all the little tips and tricks you all have for such events.

Life's a Swim Upstream

Whenever you try to better yourself life will throw you challenges. Nothing ever comes easy. It's almost as if we have to prove ourselves in order to get what it is we dream of having or doing.

Well this throws a lot of people off. They may think, Oh this is too difficult. Other's may think it's a sign that they're just not meant to do it. Others still will try for awhile but give up before they reach the intended goal.

A good friend told me years ago that life is a river and we either swim upstream or get swept away with the current and float downstream. That conversation changed my life. Well perhaps not that very day but over time because it was that day when I first realized that life was work and that no one got anything for nothing. No if I wanted to succeed I had to take some swimming lessons and start swimming. Before that day I thought I just had rotten luck.

So if you are trying hard to accomplish your dreams and you keep meeting obstacles in your path than thank your lucky stars for you my friend are on the right path. Keep up the good work!

Be Your Best

Dwight D. Eisenhower once said: In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.

and John Lennon said: Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.


These two quotes seem to sum things up very nicely. You can't go through life not making plans or you will never get anywhere. However, you have to be flexible enough to realize that plans change or plans change form. You have to be willing to bend with life while still staying focused on your ultimate goal.

Life will happen regardless of whether you plan or not but without a plan you are free floating and most probably not offering your God-given talent to the world. Free floating is a waste of your talents and abilities and a sin against yourself and the world. Now, unless your plan is perhaps to travel and paint pictures while selling them as you float around the country then I suggest you have a plan. Even then in that situation you have a plan, a plan to travel freely and selling your artwork!

I spent a great many years free floating, myself. I called myself a free spirit. Which I am indeed. However, there is a fine line between a free spirit and a wasted life. I sorrowfully admit I wasted a good many years being "free". It came with a price. I lost all of those years that I could have focused on a plan. I could have done more, given more of myself, been more productive and really could have gone much further than I ever will. However, I chose then to be free. Don't get me wrong. I forgive myself for my frivolous youthful attitude, but it doesn't change that it paved the road to where I stand now. We are all free to choose our direction in life but if you want to be proud of who you are. If you want to be truly happy with who you are than you have to be productive and offer the world the best of yourself. What's more if the world doesn't take you up on your offer you have to keep offering!

So go out there and make those plans. What do you want to do for our world? What do you have to offer? And be prepared to bend, because life will demand it of you! Be the best YOU, you can be!

Now please take a moment and go over to Jen's place and read this post.

Security Vs. Living

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.
James F. Byrnes

I like this quote and find it to be so true. All too often we focus on how we can be secure as opposed to how we can really be happy. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with security. However, if you base your life on that you'll soon discover that security is all you have and you wont even be able to enjoy it!

No, you have to be willing to take some risks. Life doesn't bring you joy without risk! You have to be willing to give up, and to sacrifice, and be willing to let go of the security trap.

Never let fear stop you from taking advantage of opportunity! Never let your fear of letting go of your security keep you from living life to the fullest! You only get one life!

Baggage

Relationships are quite possibly the most complicated things on the earth. We do our best to break them down and simplify them but there are so many variables that it extremely difficult to do.

Love is such a small part of it all. Love in many ways often serves as a complication. You love someone and want to be with them so you allow yourself to stay regardless of the things that are wrong, the needs that are left unfulfilled. Your dream is that they will suddenly want to fulfill those dreams. Things will change. You will be happy with them and love will prevail.

This thinking gets many of us in trouble. Yet it's because we love. The conflict eventually arises out of love for ourselves and love for this other person. This is when we do one of three things, we leave, we ask our partner to fill our needs, or we do the unthinkable and find someone else on the side who will fill our needs.

You see we are all human. All of our "relationship sins" can be easily broken down and explained. Even complicated relationships and all their variables can really be broken down dissected and finally understood.

Relationships revolve around needs. Often when we leave one relationship our next relationship fulfills the need that went missing in the first relationship. The reason for this is that we have identified the need and attracted it to ourselves. So if she cheated on you in the first relationship and you discovered how important it was to you to have her be faithful then your next girl probably will be. And if he didn't like to spend enough time with you in the first relationship and that really hurt you and you identified your need to yourself then the next relationship will probably offer a guy who loves spending time with you. It's really all about understanding and identifying what we need and want.

What complicates this is our sexual drive and the emotional baggage that most of us carry. As long as you are carrying baggage you will not truly be able to account for all of your needs. That baggage can make you feel like you deserve less and clouds many things. Or your baggage can make you have unreal expectations and expect far too much from your partner.

Sorting through that baggage is crucial and one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself! So dig out those bags, throw them up on the bed open the latches and start sorting! Most of that stuff doesn't fit you anymore anyway. Take it to the dump and finally have your suitcase open and ready for a fulfilling relationship just like you desire!

The Chicken or the Egg?

So the question becomes are women not communicating effectively with men or are men not listening or do they feel nonchalant about women’s needs? Well it’s easy to sit and point fingers and blame each other. Obviously both sides have valid points. However, all that finger pointing wont solve anything, will it?

It would seem to me that if both parties have these different issues then it seems that women have to try harder to communicate effectively and men need to try harder to listen to what she is saying.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we came with a needs checklist. You just hand your little checklist to your prospective partner and have them check off all the needs they are capable of filling. Then you approve or deny based on their answers. Yes if only life were so easy eh? However, it’s not. We all have to withstand a certain amount of heartache and confusion about out love interests.

In the end it’s often the little things that make the biggest difference. And like it or not it’s really all about how they make you feel…about yourself.

When your partner is telling you they are unhappy you can bet you're not making them feel all that good about themselves. The reason why is because as long as you allow someone to treat you other than how you desire to be treated you cannot feel good about yourself! Is it any wonder that relationships are so complicated?!!

Dirty Floors

I was reading an article online today about relationships or more to the point the ending of relationships. Apparently in relationships going sour the man seems to be the last to know in most cases. The author suggested that perhaps because men usually still get the better end of the deal in relationships overall that they aren’t noticing what their partner is going through. According to this article women will try to express their needs at some point but often men are either unwilling to compromise or don’t seem to realize the seriousness of the issue. Perhaps because they are happy with things just the way they are so why change anything? Then later they are shocked when the woman leaves and left wondering, how did this happen?

This makes sense to me and I’ve seen this happen many times. I think it happens on both sides of the fence but it is true that men are happier in most relationships and therefore less likely to understand how serious the problems are when they arise.

We humans are funny this way. We often believe what we want to believe even when others are telling us point blank it isn’t so. We use the mentality that if we ignore it, it will go away. I guess in this case it does go away although not exactly as was intended.

It’s sometimes easy to forget how our partner feels or to become lackadaisical about their needs. It’s even easier to ignore their needs if they get in our way. But when we choose to ignore or choose a blind eye we often get to live with the consequences as we’re left holding the bag wondering what did I do?

This applies to all kinds of relationships, not just intimate ones. To our children, parents, siblings, friends, and working relationships. All of which have needs and if we ignore those needs not only will our loved ones suffer but we, ourselves will suffer dearly for later on.

It’s never just about communication. It’s about caring enough to do something about what is communicated to you. So my message today is to listen to the people in your lives and try to be considerate of their needs. Find a compromise as opposed to just sweeping it under the rug. Trust me it isn't going away! Is your floor clean when you sweep the dirt under the rug? No and neither are your relationships.
The pay off for compromise is great but if you are unwilling to invest yourself that way you will suffer too! Greatly!

Remember to change the world we must change our own little corner of the world!

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

It seems lately that everywhere I go on the blogs I’m reading something about sex be it about someone starting an erotic blog to someone thinking sex is bad to someone addicted to sex. All of these posts and comments have led me to write this post.

Sex is such a funny animal, isn’t it? It is so much of who we are and is deeply ingrained in our being. In many ways it often colors our choices and more often than not without us even realizing it.

Each of us has our own individual sexuality, like our very own fingerprint. Different things excite different people. I’ve always found this interesting. Some of the things that excite some people get them into big trouble. Some are more demure and relatively harmless. Some are completely shunned by society.

No one really knows for sure how our sexuality forms. We hypothesize that it forms as very young children and of course this would make sense, but the bottom line is we don’t know. It could be there like a blueprint before we are even born.

Sex is this powerful force that surrounds us and hangs over our heads like a cloud and for some a dark cloud at that. Sex is perhaps one of the simplest and yet most complicated things about our psyches. Some of us allow it to define us others refuse to allow it to define us. Striking that balance is never easy.

We often feel ashamed of our sexuality. We hide it. Ironically that is part of sex’s charm, the allure of the forbidden, the unknown and the naughty. Shame seems to be the added spice that makes it that much more delicious.

Sex can also create a very powerful connection between two people in love. Sex can just as easily destroy that beautiful connection in the wrong circumstances. Hence sex is as beautiful as it is dangerous.

Sex can make us feel powerful and in control. It can be used as a weapon. Or sex can make us feel wonderful and fulfilled and given as a gift shared intimately between two lovers.

Let’s not forget perhaps the most awesome thing about sex and that is that it is responsible for creating new life Though we barely give it much thought because we are usually too busy focusing on the immediate gratification. Still when you really stop and think about sex and see the big picture you can’t help but stand in awe of such a complicated, beautiful, dangerous, painful, fulfilling, simple human pleasure. Yet, sex in all of it's splendor is a most demanding creature. It demands respect and when you dare not to respect it as it has demanded it will without a doubt slap you right up side the head no questions asked. How can we not stand in awe of it?

Trust

Trust is one of the most difficult things to give another person. After a person proves themselves trustworthy sometimes we still struggle with it. When we struggle it comes from within. It’s most probably not about them and more about us. Past hurts is the most likely culprit. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing that means our minds are doing their best to learn their lesson and learn a lesson they did. However the funny thing about life lessons is that once we learn them in one extreme life often offers us the other extreme. Life is about balance and our job here on earth is to learn that balance, like it or not that is what we are doing here for some reason. So you’ve learned your lesson about untrustworthy people and now here you are suddenly needing to learn to trust again or for some maybe for the first time ever.

How do you do it? How do you reach inside and allow yourself to believe in that other person? You’re hoping I’m going to hand you some easy answer on that one aren’t you? Well it isn’t that simple. You have to fight your demons whatever they are. You need to listen to them and fight them every step of the way. Watch out though cause those demons are a sneaky lot! They have a tendency to sneak around and bite you in the butt when you least expect it. Then you find yourself possibly accusing or mistreating the object of your affection and for no good reason other than that you let go of your demons leash. Keep those demons on a tight leash and talk to them, get inside their minds for there lie the answers to your inability to take your leap of faith. Until you work it through until you face those things head on your demon will continue to be a pest. Work it though go through your emotions force yourself to let go and some day before you know it you’ll have tamed that beast and you will smile warmly to yourself as it heels at your feet like an obedient dog.

But I Hate Carrots!

One of the best things you can learn to do for yourself is the art of not taking things personally. So often we mistake the intentions, thoughts or words of others to mean the worst and most often they don't mean you any ill thoughts.

It's difficult at best to let go and not take things personally. It takes practice, and then more practice and then even more practice. I know people that totally mess up every relationship they have because they take everything personally. He left the bathroom light on because he doesn't care about my feelings. She chose carrots for a vegetable even though I've told her before how much I hate carrots. So she must not care about my feelings. Sound ridiculous? Well it is and yet many many people think this way and most of us do to some extent.

For those that have been reading since the beginning you will remember me talking about driving and how we often take the actions of other drivers too personally. That was just one example of how we take things personally.

So I ask you the next time you get that feeling inside that you've been slighted stop and ask yourself. Have I really been slighted? What happens when I mention now that I don't like carrots? Did she apologize and say she didn't know or had forgotten? What if you had laid into her and told her how inconsiderate she had been for making the carrots (Don't laugh, I've actually experienced this from someone before) or what if you didn't say anything at all and just miserably sulked?

As individuals we all too often forget that the world doesn't revolve around us. The world is full of individual and like it or not for the most part even the most unselfish person focuses on the self because that is where we all live!

Instead of thinking the worst, try and think the best. If you are wrong on occasion and someone outright snubbed you or slighted you so what? So what if you miss that knowledge. Ignorance is indeed bliss is this case!

What's more if you feel good about you then what they think wont matter and a simple slight will be insignificant to you. So bring the focus back to you and on bringing yourself to a level where you feel good about you. There's no reason why you shouldn't!

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Hope you all have a happy and safe Fourth!

Unlock the Mystery of Women

A friend sent me an email forward one day. The forward was a joke about women and how impossible it was to understand them. I joked back that it wasn’t really that big of a mystery that women merely wanted to be loved more than humanly possible and want to feel that their man loves them more than any man has ever loved a woman. Well of course that’s not really true but I know that is how it can feel for men.

At the same time it wasn’t far from the truth either. It isn’t really that women want men to love them more than is humanly possible but women want to feel loved. This sounds simple enough and basically it is but as simple as it is it’s very complicated. The trouble is everyone has different love needs. Men don’t know what a woman’s love needs are offhand. He has to learn them…the hard way. It’s impossible to just know because every person is different.

Women let men know when they feel their love needs aren’t being met where as men are more likely to suffer in silence. The trouble is that men don’t really understand that that is what women are doing and so they are confused and just feel like they can’t understand her nor can they please her.

So men, if your girl is giving you the silent treatment or crying or telling you that nothing is wrong when its obvious she is very upset you can bank on the fact that you’ve left some love need unmet or in some way made her feel unloved. That’s not to say that you did anything terrible or even that you did anything wrong. It’s just to say that she feels her needs are unmet and this makes her feel very distressed. Now this could be as simple as forgetting to walk the dog. For her she might feel loved when you remember to carry out your obligations. Or it could be something more serious. Knowing this men you are now armed to combat this. You forgot to walk the dog? She’s giving you the silent treatment? It’s probably time to apologize for forgetting to walk the dog and remind her that you love her. Let her know in some way that your obligations to her or to your lives are important to you too. Yes I know it is a lot of work and it means you have to sit down and think about things but isn’t a happy relationship worth the work? As a matter of fact the only way you can have a happy relationship is to do that kind of work!

Now for some woman you can never ever please them and that is usually a control method. If that is your situation then you have far bigger troubles! It’s hard to work out situations where one person loves control so much that they are willing to slowly tear apart their relationship in the name of it. But we are not talking about those women today. Today we are just talking about the average women and her mystique or her not so mysterious ways.

Now women this doesn’t mean you are off the hook either!! No, far from it! As women we need to be mindful of the fact that not everything he does or doesn’t do is a reflection of his feelings for us. If he is doing most of the stuff he should be doing and he is treating you well and most of the time making you feel loved then the odds are when he messes up it really isn’t about you! You need to cut him some slack! Stop and appreciate what he is doing! What's more remember we all get to mess up sometimes. Look at the whole picture before you give him that womanly attitude. Better yet, don’t give him the attitude! Tell him how you feel! Stop and think and put your feelings into words. Write it down if you have to but get those feelings out and talk about them. Once you do you might be surprised at his reaction!

Let it Out

Is there a past Pain, something from long ago perhaps that every time you think about it, it makes you angry or sad? We all have something or many things in our past that have hurt us. However, all of us are not free of that pain. In fact, it shapes many peoples' lives and outright destroys some and or those that know them. Talking or writing about your past pains, hurts or sins against you is imperative to achieving a healthy soul.

If you don't release the pain, hurt and anger that is inside of you it will forever dwell there! It will change your life and hurt you and even hurt others. It's your responsibility to yourself and to our very world to heal that pain and move away from it. The first and most important step is to let it out. Now once you talk about it you don't live there. You don't wallow in the pain you merely release it and then comes the next step, forgiveness but that's another topic for another day right now its just important to focus on what's inside of you. Make an attempt this weekend to let something painful out. Tell somebody or write about it but let it out! Set yourself free!

A Clean Slate

As I sat and watched my daughter and her class graduate I thought about how lucky they are. I thought of the clean slate that they had and how they could write their dreams and how they had a great deal of time to fulfill them. How I wished I could help them understand that and what that really means.

When we are young we are often so frivolous with our time. We think we have so much of it to squander. The truth is we don't! We shouldn't squander our time away. Then I thought that as true as that is so it is true that every day of our lives in some way is a clean slate to which we can write the story of our lives.

So I thought perhaps I should wake up each morning with a different thought than usual. Perhaps I should wake up with the question of, What shall I write on my slate today? Do I want to write that I had a lazy day sitting in the sun drinking iced tea? Well perhaps that has its place on my slate but what is important to me today? What would I be happy with accomplishing and what would I be proud to see written on my slate. For tomorrow I'm going to look back at the story of my life and I'll either be proud or have regrets. It's up to me. I'm the writer of my life story as are each of us! How about you? What will your life story be about? More importantly will you read back with pride or with regret? Only you can decide! You are the writer of your life!

Judgement

The best thing we can do for ourselves and for our fellow man is to not judge too harshly. Forgive the actions of each other and ourselves, understand that each of us is human and that we all make mistakes. Take those mistakes and use them as a springboard into a better happier life.

Never allow your mistakes to define you! You are not your mistakes and he or she is not their mistake. However, we can choose to remain there making the same mistakes over and over again until we think we have become our mistakes, an illusion that we allow ourselves to believe.

It is so important that you recognize your mistakes as just that and that you understand that no one is without fault. We all mess up and make mistakes. We all make bad decisions from time to time.

The only difference then between a successful life and an unsuccessful one is what we take from those mistakes. Do we learn from them? Do we grow from them? Or do we sink further down in the muck and continue on our path? The choice is yours. Don’t let your mistakes be your excuse to fail or to not move forward. Keep growing and learning and moving forward. Remember to be kind on your own journey forward. We’ve all been there. We’ve all made mistakes. Learn to look at yourself and others with kindness and forgiveness. Help guide others to the right path instead of building barriers with judgment and harsh words between your own path and theirs.